


dreams you left behind

by rocketshiptospace



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombies, M/M, Mild Gore, based on the book 'World War Z'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-04-09 15:59:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4355276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocketshiptospace/pseuds/rocketshiptospace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And just as Luke's about to give up hope completely, as he's about to lay down on the mossy ground below him and just let death come to him, his radio crackles to live.</p><p>“Hello? Anybody out there? Did anybody survive that crash?”</p><p>or, Luke's aircraft crashes in the middle of a zombie invested area. An unexpected voice from his radio becomes his savior.</p>
            </blockquote>





	dreams you left behind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [strangebyler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangebyler/gifts).



> god i think i started this fic all the way back in october last year?? and then i just didn't write for it for awhile but then i saw this prompt and thought YES PERFECT so here we are haha
> 
> this story is based on one of my all time favorite books called 'World War Z' (for those who have read it, it's based on the story of Colonel Christina Eliopolis, one of my favorite parts of the book) 
> 
> i hope you like it!! <3

**dreams you left behind**

“Good morning, Mr. Hemmings. Thank you so much for accepting my call. As I told you in my letter, the government assigned me to catalog what exactly happened during the war, and I hoped you would answer some of my questions.”

“Of course.”

“So, Mr. Hemmings-”

“Luke, please call me Luke.”

“All right, _Luke_. They told me you were in the army during the war. Could you tell me what exactly you did there?”

“Yeah, sure. I was in a special part of the army. Like, I was a soldier, but I never fought any wars, not really. I was part of the air force, in a way. I never flew a plane or anything, though they did learn me how to do it in case of emergencies. I was just there as a guard, protect the pilots and their load.

You see, during the war the air force was mostly used for shipping supplies and necessities to what we called 'safety zones'. Small sections of civility in largely overrun areas. Sometimes those safety zones turned out not to be safe after all. There have been times where we lost radio contact with certain safety zones. When we went to check up on them they turned out to be overrun. That's where we stepped in. Save the few survivors, take important supplies they might have left behind, stuff like that.

Most of the time we just tagged along for protection. Sometimes the people in the safety zones went mad, turned crazy. I would've too, I think, if I lived in such a secluded area literally _surrounded_ by zombies. They would attack the aircraft, the pilots. Attempting to steal it, you know? To get out of there. Understandable, really. The living conditions weren't ideal in the safety zones. But then again, the living conditions weren't ideal anywhere back then. Even in the safest bunkers, in the most impenetrable forts there was always fear. Fear of losing your loved ones, fear of losing yourself. The fear never leaves, no matter where you are.

But, despite all of it, it wasn't necessarily a really dangerous job. Things went... wrong, of course. People got lost, died, especially in the beginning, when we didn't know everything about the zombies yet. Mostly it was just flying back and forth, though. Drop your load, occasionally take a few things back to the main base, that kind of stuff.”

“And then there was the crash of aircraft 24.”

“Yeah. Yeah and then there was the crash of aircraft 24.”

“Could you tell me what happened, Luke? In detail?”

“I, yeah, I can do that. It's, it's quite the story, though.”

“I have time.”

~~

The air feels tight, suffocating. It's partly because of the charged silence that hangs in the aircraft, partly the fact that the air this high in the sky's always thinner and partly the fact that Luke's been having a hard time breathing ever since, ever since _that_ happened.

He stares out of one of the small windows next to him. They are flying above a forest, one they've flown over a million times before. Luke estimates it's only a few more miles until they reach their destination. They're on their way to the safety zone a bit further away, one right before the point where the land is overruled by zombies and inaccessible. It's quite the dangerous environment, but they're only there to drop a few things and then they'll head straight back home.

Although, it's not really home. At least Luke doesn't like to call it that, not anymore. Home is where the heart is, they say, and Luke's heart got lost in an abandoned hospital only a few miles away from where they're flying. Yeah, the main base where they're going back to has a bed and food and as much safety as the government can give right now, but it's not home.

“Are you ever going to start talking to me again?” Calum suddenly asks, breaking the suffocating silence.

Luke huffs and turns away from the window to look at his companion, sitting across from him. He looks tense, something that appears to be his default look these days. His fingers are tapping against his leg, a nervous habit he picked up when he had just joined the army and never seems to be able to get rid of. “I'd rather avoid it as long as possible, if you don't mind.”

Calum sighs and takes off his helmet so he can run his hand through his hair. He looks worn, defeated. “You know I did everything I could, Luke. He meant a lot to me too. I wouldn't have left him behind if I-”

The words rub Luke in all the wrong ways and his hands ball into fists as he feels the anger crawling in his throat. “That's it, though. You left him. You just, you just _left him there_. To die. Or, at least, that's what we think happened, because, you know, _we don't even know for sure_. We don't know because you left him behind to save your own fucking ass.” The words are harsh, maybe a bit uncalled for, but it's days of anger and fear and grief and heartache pushed together and he can't stop them for slipping past his lips. He needs Calum to know how he feels, needs him to know that he hasn't forgiven him and that maybe he never will.

Calum is glaring at him and Luke can see the tears burning in the corners of his eyes and suddenly Luke realizes that maybe he went a bit too far. Because Calum lost someone too. Calum lost a friend, a _brother_ , someone he looked up to and admired. And he had to leave him behind, had to leave him to die and it's not fair, nothing is ever fair.

“Stop, Luke, just _stop_. He wouldn't have- there was _nothing,_ Luke. There was literally _nothing_ I could do. The door was barricaded, and if I had stayed to try and open it, we both would've died. He would've _hated_ me for it. I couldn't, I have people that care about me, Luke, just like you. I have a fiance, a family. I needed to think of them, too. And I'm sorry, I'm sorry that cost you your boyfriend but there was nothing I could do without me dying too.” The tears are falling now, just silently trickling down Calum's face as the takes a few deep breaths. Luke's pretty sure Calum doesn't even register the tears, too used to the feeling of wet cheeks and burning eyes and he feels bad for bringing it up, knowing it brings back horrible memories.

He remembers that day probably just as clearly as Calum does. He remembers Ashton saying goodbye to him when he left for his mission, remembers Ashton kissing him like it was the last time he'd ever get the chance (but that's how every one kissed these days. Times were dangerous, people died, and you were never sure when the last time you'd see each other was). He remembers Ashton telling him he'd be back soon. Remembers watching Ashton walk away for what would be the last time. Remembers the last half smile Ashton threw him right before entering the helicopter. “I'm sorry, Calum, I just, I know it wasn't your fault. I should have,” Luke breaths in sharply, “ _Fuck,_ I should have been there. I should have been there, for him, to save him. I should have-”

“They wouldn't have allowed you to.” Calum cuts in. “You know the rules, you aren't allowed to go on missions with your lover, it can bring everyone in danger when things go haywire. Don't blame this on yourself, Luke. You couldn't have done anything, nobody could've done anything. He was on his own.”

Luke looks down at his hands, studies the worn material of his gloves. “That's the worst, though. Knowing he was, is, alone. He just, he needed me. Ashton needed me and I wasn't there.” It's the first time he's said Ashton's name out loud ever since the incident and Calum looks down at his feet.

His voice is a lot softer when he speaks again, looking straight at Luke with a watery smile on his face. “He knew, though. That you loved him. He knew. And he loved you, more than anything. Just, just focus on that, yeah? You loved each other.”

Luke looks up again, locking eyes with Calum. “Love. Not loved.” His voice cracks and Calum opens his mouth, probably about to say something about 'having to move on' and 'it's time you start accepting the truth, Luke', things he's heard a million times before already. But before Calum can even get a word out, the aircraft makes a loud screeching noise and starts heavily shaking.

Luke's instincts kick in and he's immediately on his feet. Calum does the same, struggling to get his helmet on. Luke's shouting, trying to get over the loud noises the helicopter is making, trying to ask the pilot what's going on, but the only answer he gets is a loud bang and a flash of fire he can see from the corner of his eye. He locks eyes with Calum and they nod, both deciding on the same thing.

It's time to leave ship.

It was part of his training, jumping out of a plane with a parachute. Back then he thought it was bullshit, because the military was known for it's strong unbreakable helicopters and the threat they were fighting wasn't in the air, it was on the ground. But he still did it, and he's forever grateful for that now, as he's floating above the endless expands of forests underneath them, the helicopter they only just abandoned spiraling off into the distance.

Calum's floating next to him, and there's a small moment where they look at each other and smile, glad they got out of the helicopter, before the true terror of the situation sinks in.

Right now, they are floating above a seemingly calm, almost endless forest that, according to the briefs Luke read through before he started this mission, is filled to the brim with zombies. Which means, that unless they come up with a plan, Calum and Luke are slowly floating towards their inevitable death.

Luke reaches for his radio, because it's useless trying to contact Calum by shouting at him, he would never hear him over the wind, only to find out that his radio isn't working. He can see Calum fiddling with his own radio, and sending Luke a panicked look as they float closer and closer to the ground. Luke waves his arms around in a gesture that he hopes means 'Don't worry, we'll be fine, we'll find each other when we're on the ground' and Calum seems to get it, saluting in his direction before looking down to see if he can arrange a good landing.

Luke does the same, steering his parachute in the direction of a clearing in the trees. He watches as Calum steers in another direction and keeps a close eye, so he knows where to find him when they land.

The landing goes pretty smoothly and he immediately unclasps his parachute, heading in the direction Calum disappeared in. He's shaking like a leave, but he ignores it. Now is not the time to think about the fact that he is stranded in the middle of a forest, now is not the time to think about how small the chance is that he's going to survive this, now is not the time to think of the pilot of the helicopter, who probably _didn't_ survive the crash. All he has to focus on is Calum, finding Calum, getting Calum out of there. Calum's the only thing he has right now. The only thing that _matters_ right now.

He walks for what feels like hours, and the closer he gets to where he thinks Calum must be, the quieter it gets. That alone should have been a sign, a sign for Luke to get the hell out of there, because a forest like that is never this quiet unless-

He finds Calum. Unfortunately, the zombies found him first.

–

Luke met Calum on the day he signed up to fight for his country, two days after losing his parents and brothers to the zombies. There was nothing left for him to live for, nothing left for him to care about, so he figured that he might as well fight against the monsters that destroyed his family. After all, there was no-one who would miss him if he died.

Calum had been through a lot too, though he never told Luke about any of it. It was kind of an unspoken rule in the army; everybody had a reason to be there and no one wanted to talk about it. Luke knew it had something to do with his family though. Most people in the army had lost their family, most people had nothing left to fight for but their country.

It had always been hard, making friends after the outbreak. No one trusted anyone anymore, no one wanted to put their heart on the line only to have it ripped away again. But no matter how bad the situation, you always needed a friend, you needed someone you could trust, someone you could talk too. And for Luke, that was Calum (and if Calum happened to be the reason he met Ashton, well, he wasn't complaining).

He remembers something Calum told him during the parachute training, which seems so, so long ago right now. They were sitting in the helicopter, flying above 'safe land', seconds away from jumping out. Calum had been fidgeting, seemingly nervous, and Luke had asked him what was wrong.

“What if I misjudge my landing? What if I, like, get tangled in a tree or something and I'm just dangling there? What happens then?”

Luke had laughed, back then. Luke had laughed and patted him on the back and told him he'd be fine. And hey, if he did get tangled in a tree, Luke would be there to safe him.

He can still picture Calum's relieved smile when Luke assured him he'd always have his back, that he would always come to his rescue.

\--

As he's watching Calum's body dangle from a tree now, parachute strings tangled in the branches, he feels bile rising in his throat. He's not sure if it's because of the broken promise he can still hear himself saying, playing on repeat in his head, or the fact that a bunch of zombies got to Calum before him, and are now feasting on his best friend's intestines.

Luke stands there, frozen, for what must be a good ten minutes. He's not sure what he's supposed to do. His only life line, the one person he had put all his faith in, is staring at him with blank eyes, slowly swinging back and forth, like a clock pendulum. He's wielding his arms and growling softly, his skin already turning the ash gray color most zombies seem to have.

He feels anger bubbling up inside him. Anger because Calum didn't deserve this, of all people. Calum has someone waiting for him at home, Calum was getting _married_. Calum still had that tiny little bit of hope, Calum still had someone to love, to live for. Luke's tiny bit of hope had already been taken from him weeks ago, but Calum still had his and he didn't deserve this. He was supposed to... _fuck,_ if any of them should've survived this, it had been Calum. He takes his gun, and without thinking, fires. The zombies fall down without ever getting the chance to turn around.

The last bullet goes straight between Calum's lifeless eyes. He tries not to dwell on it for too long.

He tucks the gun back in his belt and looks around, for the first time since he even reached this place. He's not really sure what he's supposed to do now. His main goal ever since getting to the ground had been to find Calum and get them to safety, but now. He's not sure he can make it to safety all on his own.

The forest is big and threatening and the trees are high and Luke kind of feels like they're trying to suffocate him. His only life line, the only thing that had kept him going, is dead now and there's just. There's nothing left for him. There's no reason for him to survive, no reason for him to keep going. If he's does survive, he has to go back to the base, has to explain to Michael what happened. How do you tell someone you had to shoot their fiance because they were no longer among the living? He still remembers Calum coming to him, after that one dreadful mission that supposedly killed Ashton. Remembers Calum's trembling hands and his shaky voice and Luke remembers clutching at his best friend, fingers diging into his shoulders, demanding to tell him where Ashton was, why he wasn't with him. Remembers the words that tore his world apart.

“ _He isn't coming back, Luke.”_

He falls to his knees, feeling the nausea come back. The ground is surprisingly soft and green and Luke figure he might as well just curl up here and wait for the zombies to get to him. There's nothing left to live for, nothing left for him to do. He has no idea where he is, where he's supposed to go. He just doesn't know anymore.

And just as he's about to give up hope completely, as he's about to lay down on the mossy ground and just let death come to him, his radio crackles to live.

“Hello? Anybody out there? Did anybody survive that crash?”

Luke feels like he could cry. Actually, he can already feel the tears pricking behind his eyes at the sound of the voice. Because it's not only the fact that this is probably a sky watcher, someone who's situated in one of the watchtowers that are scattered through the forest to come to the aid of crashed aircraft’s, the voice itself is also insanely familiar.

It's a voice he's heard a countless times, a voice that used to sing him to sleep, used to excitedly tell him about his day, a voice that used to tell him jokes and a voice that laughed when Luke made one. A voice that told him he loved him, a voice that told him he'd do anything for him, a voice he thought he would never ever hear again.

_Ashton's voice._

“Ashton,” Luke breathes out, unable to say anything else while his brain feels like it's going to explode. He has so many questions, so many things he doesn't understand, like how Ashton is alive and how he's talking to him and how he's survived and how he never contacted Luke before and-

“Luke?” The voice sounds hesitant, uncertain, but with an edge of hope, of happiness. Hearing his name, the name Ashton has said so many times before in so many different scenario's, in so many different tones, makes his heart stutter. Ashton's _there, somewhere_ and Luke is talking to him and he can hear Luke and Luke can hear him and there's so many things he needs to say so many things he needs to ask but all that comes out is a soft, “Yeah.”

There's a silence, a long silence that Luke wants to break by telling Ashton he misses him and that he needs him and that facing the world was so much harder without him and that he can never ever leave Luke again, but the words get stuck in his throat and all he can do is listen to the soft crackle of the radio, to Ashton's steady breathing on the other side. The noise is oddly familiar and calming in such a brutal environment. Back when Ashton was still there, when they were back at the base, Luke used to lie awake at night just listening to Ashton steadily breathing next to him. It was calming, an indication that Ashton was still there, that Ashton was okay. The first few nights after Ashton was gone were hell because of that. It was too quiet, too peaceful and the silence was like a continuous reminder of what Luke had lost.

“You need to get out of there, Luke, it's dangerous.” Ashton eventually says, breaking the silence and remembering Luke where he is. Because he's still in the forest, in a heavily zombie invested area, and he needs to get out of there, before he ends up like Calum. He feels the bile rising in his throat again when the images of Calum just hanging there, lifelessly, flood his mind again.

“Yeah,” Luke says, putting all the thoughts about his dead best friend to the back of his mind and focusing all his attention on the voice of his supposedly dead lover. “Yeah, I just,” he swallows, “I need to know.” He knows there's no time for this, not now, but now the original shock has cleared away a little, he can't help the question that are tumbling out of his mouth, “How did you survive? They, they said there was no way to get out. No way for you to live. And if you did make it out, made it to a watchtower and got yourself to safety like it seems you did, why did you never contact me? You could've, you could've contacted a base, a helicopter flying over, anything. Why did you...” He wants to say 'abandon me', wants to say 'why did you leave me to think you were dead', wants so desperately to know why Ashton never came back to him, but the words get stuck, refuse to make their way out. Because he can't be that cruel, can't thrown those words in Ashton's face like that when he knows, deep down, that Ashton must have a damn good reason for it. The Ashton he knew would've found a way to contact Luke, to see him again.

“It's,” Ashton sighs and Luke can almost picture him running his hand through his hair like he used to do, “It's a long story, yeah? I'll tell you, but you need to, you need to get to safety first. Is your GPS working?” Luke nods, resigned but understanding of the dire situation he's currently in, and reaches for his GPS, only to find out it's no longer there. It must've been ripped from his suit when he jumped out of the aircraft. He curses and grabs his backpack, roaming around until he finds the map of the area he has in there. It's big and unspecific, but it's something.

“GPS is gone. I do have a map, though.” Luke says, and Ashton lets out a huff.

“Well, at least it's something. Okay, so, lets think, Luke. Where are we?” His voice is gentle, challenging and Luke groans. It reminds him of old times, back at the base, where they would train together and Ashton would continuously challenge him, make him think on his own. It's so familiar, so them, that Luke can't help but respond the way he probably would've had they still been back at the base.

“Fuck do I know, Ashton, in the middle of a forest? But oh, guess what! Look at the map, this entire area is practically forest! Well golly gosh, I could be anywhere! Isn't that just delightful!” Ashton laughs at the sarcastic tone in Luke's voice and Luke feels his heart swell at the sound. It's familiar and comforting and real, _so real._ God, how he missed that laugh.

“Funny, Luke. Now serious business. Think. You excited the aircraft by shute, yeah? Think about what you saw. Where there mountains? Rivers? You've been flying over these forests for months now Luke, there must've been something you recognized.” Luke thinks about it, thinks about scanning the area for the perfect place to land, eyes flitting over everything to calculate the best spot. Remembers the area as one he has seen a countless times before. Remembers where the rivers where exactly, and he quickly grabs his map, guessing his exact position.

“I'm close to the I-10 freeway.” He eventually says, eyes scanning his surroundings to make sure, “There's a much bigger chance of them finding me there than here. They must've noticed the aircraft crash by now, right?” Ashton hums, so Luke keeps on talking. “It's maybe one, probably two days walking if I leave now.”

“Yeah, yeah that's good. They're probably sending a search party down that road, they usually do. Your chances of being rescued there are much bigger,” Ashton says, before his tone changes from serious to more soft, more like the way he used to talk to Luke when it was just the two of them. “So, I hate to do this, but it's probably better if you turn of the radio for now. You don't have any spare batteries, I believe, and it's better if you don't use all of them up now. I'll talk to you later yeah? Contact me once you've found a safe place for the night.”

“I will, Luke says, placing the map back in his backpack and getting ready to leave. “Hey, Ash?” He ads, voice a lot more timid. Ashton hums. Luke takes a deep breath, “I missed you.” It's not quite the words he wanted to say, but in the end they probably mean the same thing.

“Missed you too, Luke,” Ashton says, and Luke can feel a lump forming in his throat at how gentle, how loving he sounds. “Ashton out.” He adds, and then the line goes dead.

–

Luke feels like he's been walking for weeks. He has lost all track of time, everything is just a blur of trees and mud and stopping to listen if he hears zombies. He hasn't seen any of them ever since the ones he left to rot next to Calum's dead body. It's slightly worrying, but also quite understandable. These specific parts of the woods were already pretty abandoned even before the apocalypse, so it doesn't surprise him there's practically zero to none zombies here. Still, it doesn't sit well with him. These days it's rare to find en environment completely void of zombies. Especially since this area is rather known for being filled with them.

The quiet, eery surroundings and the silence make Luke's skin crawl. It's not often there's a silent moment at the base or when he's out in the field. There's always someone talking, always someone making noise. No one likes the quiet, everyone has developed a fear of silence. Silence usually means zombies.

The only times it was truly silent back at the base was at night, after Ashton was gone, and that's not really a time Luke wants to be remembered about.

(He doesn't want to think about the loss of Ashton's comforting breath next to him, doesn't want to think about the urge to scream and scream and scream just to fill the silence, doesn't want to think about sleepless nights and tired days. Doesn't want to think about the pain and the hurt and the tears. That's in the past. It's all in the past.)

The weight of the radio in his pocket is comforting, in a way. It's a constant remind that Ashton is there, only the click of a button away, that Luke can talk to him again, can listen to his voice again. Ashton's there now, even though Luke can't see him, can't touch him. Ashton is there and that's all Luke needs to keep moving, to keep walking. His limbs are screaming at him to stop, he can feel the hunger clawing at his insides and his mouth feels stuffy and dry from not drinking enough water, but he keeps going.

He keeps going and going and going until the forest is getting dark and he can barely see anymore and he knows he needs to find a safe place for the night because there's no way he's going to be able to continue safely when it's this dark. He finds a nearby tree, thanks whoever decided it was a good idea to put a hammock in every soldiers backpack and hoists himself up the branches.

When he's settled, he turns the radio back on, gives Ashton an update on how many miles he walked and where he is now, and how long it should take him to get to the freeway. Ashton hums through all of it, and Luke can almost visualize the thoughtful, serious look on his face. The same one he used to have when he was preparing for a more difficult mission, sitting at the table in their room drawing out maps and writing down notes. Luke remembers how he used to walk over and drape himself over Ashton's back, pressing kisses to his neck until he finally gave up and left his maps behind to crawl into bed with Luke. Luke remembers how he used to be the only one who seemed to be able to get Ashton to stop working so hard, to take a breath every now and then, to get him out of his own head. He remembers Ashton doing the same for him.

“What's on your mind, Luke?” Ashton asks, when the silence between them lasts for too long. Luke's made himself comfortable in his hammock, radio placed on his chest, staring up at the branches and leaves that stretch out above him. The sentence makes him smile, because he remembers Ashton asking him that after they had only known each other for a few days. At the base, no one asked about your feelings, your thoughts. Most of them had suffered great losses and pain, and no one liked to talk about it. Everyone kept to themselves and pretended they were fine and that nothing was wrong and that was it. But Ashton, Ashton had caught Luke staring at the wall during lunch hour and had sat down next to him, asked him what was wrong, even though Calum had only introduced him a few days before that and they hadn't talked since. Ashton had cared, even back then, when they barely knew each other. And now, after all that happened, Ashton still cared.

“Us,” Luke mutters, barely audible, though he knows Ashton has heard him by the soft sigh he lets out. “Not bad things, not about.... about....” The 'after you were gone' hangs heavy in the air between them, “About how it used to be. When it was still good.”

Ashton hums, “Remember how we met?” He asks, and Luke huffs out a laugh.

“How could I ever forget? I was covered in dirt and I'm pretty sure my nose was bleeding when Calum came over with you in tow to inform me he had made a new friend. Made one hell of a first impression.” Luke says, remembering that day more clearly than anything. He had just finished a mission, one that had included a long trek through a muddy forest (much like the one he's tracking through now, except he'd had his whole team with him back then and it was a lot less dangerous) from the airstrip to the safety zones. When he came back, he was covered in mud and leaves form the forest, and sweat from carrying the heavy equipment. He was about to head off to the dorms, grab a well deserved shower and sleep for maybe a hundred years, when Calum had come bounding over, dragging Ashton behind him, excitedly yelling about how he had made a new friend and how he was sure Luke and him would get along swimmingly.

Luke remembers the first time he and Ashton locked eyes across the courtyard. The word didn't stop spinning and it didn't suddenly start smelling like flowers and happiness and there wasn't a ray of sunlight streaming down to illuminate Ashton in all his glory or any of that romantic bullshit. What did happen was that Luke _knew_. Luke knew right when he looked into Ashton's eyes that Ashton was someone he could trust, someone who was _good._ The zombie apocalypse fucked with people, made them vicious, hard. They had that glint in their eyes, that glint that told you that if it came down to it, if they had the chance of saving you or running, they would run. People's instincts kicked in, they only cared for themselves and the people they loved. There were very few people, even at the base, where they were supposed to work together as a team, who didn't have the glint. Ashton didn't. Ashton looked at Luke, who was covered in mud and blood and probably looked like death on legs, and he smiled. He smiled and his eyes smiled too and just knew that Ashton was someone he wanted around.

“You looked good,” Ashton says, breaking Luke from his thoughts, “You looked- Fuck, you looked alive. Happy to be alive. Not, not like the other people, who were alive because they hadn't died yet. You, you looked alive because you wanted to be. It's-”

Luke smiles weakly. “I know, Ash. You've told me.” A million times already, whispered into Luke's skin late at night, when it was just the two of them, _'you are alive, you look alive, you are alive'_. He takes a deep breath, “Remember when you first kissed me?” The words sound soft, daring, in the quiet of the night. A bit of moonlight peaks through the leaves to illuminate Luke's face and he can almost _hear_ Ashton's soft smile when he speaks.

“If I remember correctly, _you_ kissed _me_.”

Okay, yeah, so maybe he did. It had happened after they'd known each other for about three months. It had been three months of shy smiles and dancing around each other and tentatively flirting and Calum telling Luke to just 'get his fucking shit together and ask Ashton out'. Three months of Luke realizing that just because the world had gone to shit, didn't mean he had to give up on it quite yet. Just because people died, didn't mean it wasn't worth it to put his heart out there again. “We're all going to hell at this point, the question is what you do with the time it takes to get there.” Michael once told Luke, a week before he proposed to Calum. And Luke was actually starting to believe he might be right. That it might be worth it.

The thing about working at a military base in the middle of a zombie apocalypse is that things go wrong. All the time. Zombies are unpredictable and so are humans and shit happens. So when Ashton was on a mission and Luke heard about the area Ashton was supposed to be in getting swarmed, he told himself exactly that. Shit happens. It's okay. Ashton's okay. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

And it was. Ashton had come back. Ashton had stumbled through the gates with one of his team members heavily leaning on his shoulder and they had been covered in blood and mud, much like Luke had looked like the first time they'd met. When Luke had heard the news of Ashton return he had rushed straight to the hospital ward, only to find him sitting on a stretcher, beaten up and bruised, but okay. Alive.

That was probably the point Luke realized Michael was right. Looking at Ashton, beaten and broken but smiling the second he spotted Luke, so bright and happy that for a second Luke actually forgot where they were, he realized that it was worth it. All the possible pain and stress and fear would be worth it if Luke could just get Ashton to smile at him like that every once in awhile. There was a war going on around them, a war they were probably never going to win, and the world was shitty and the people in it had gone mad but Luke still rushed over to Ashton, grabbed him by his shoulders, and kissed him full on the mouth.

Luke still remembers the surprised sound Ashton had let out, how he had slowly relaxed into the kiss, how Luke's dead grip on Ashton's shoulder gradually eased as Ashton melted into him. And when they had pulled away, slightly breathless, Ashton had smiled at him and pressed their foreheads together and mumbled “It's good to see you too, Luke.” And Luke probably laughed louder than was really necessary, but he couldn't help it. In that moment, he was happy, he was in love, and for the first time in a very, _very_ long time, it felt like things were going to be okay. Like _they_ were going to be okay.

“It's a good thing I did, though,” Luke says, dragging himself from the memory to focus on Ashton, _his_ Ashton, alive and breathing, “We would've ended up dancing around each other for _ages_ if I hadn't.”

Ashton laughs, bright and careless, like he used to when Michael told a stupid joke or when Calum exaggerated some wild story about one of his missions. “God, we would've, wouldn't we? We were so oblivious. Michael must've told me a million times to just suck it up and kiss you, but I never did. I was just scared-” He stops, mid sentence, but Luke knows what he wants to say. Ashton told him once, when they had an off day and they were sitting in the back of the communal lounge room, cuddled together on the couch. Told him about how his father had left them when he was younger, years and years before the apocalypse. Told him about the friends that had abandoned him when he came out of the closet. Told him how he had to watch his mother and siblings walk away from the safety camp they had been staying in before Ashton joined the military because they had been infected and he hadn't.

“People leave,” Ashton had told him, “They always leave.”

“I won't,” Luke had replied, carding his fingers through Ashton's hair and pressing a kiss to his forehead, “I'll never leave.”

And he hadn't. Luke had always come back after a mission, falling in Ashton's arms first chance he got, kissing him and hugging him and whispering “I love you,” over and over again until Ashton pulled away with a smile on his face and told him to go get a shower. Luke would never, could never, leave Ashton behind. That's maybe why he had such a hard time moving on after he thought Ashton had died. Because he had been so busy making sure that he would never leave Ashton behind, that it had never occurred to him that Ashton could leave him, too.

That there was a possibility that Ashton wasn't coming back, that there might be a day where he wouldn't be able to kiss him, to hug him, to hold him. That he would have to live life without him. And the strange thing is, he used to live life without Ashton. Hell, the years he spend _with_ Ashton are so much less than the years he spend _without_ him. And yet, it feels like he has known Ashton for all his life. Like he wasn't truly alive until he met Ashton. Luke hasn't really felt alive anymore ever since Ashton left. Not until now, at least.

“Do you remember the first time we said 'I love you'?” Ashton's voice is quiet, soft, fond. It sounds like it used to when they were curled together in the sheets, late at night, when it was only them and the room around them. The 'I love you' makes butterflies explode in Luke's stomach, even though Ashton has said it a million times already, even though it wasn't even necessarily aimed at him. The words, falling from Ashton's lips, are enough to make Luke weak in the knees.

“Yeah,” He breathes out, smile creeping on his face, “How could I ever forget that?”

If anything, it's his favorite memory of the two of them (but then again, every memory of the two of them is his favorite), the only one he hasn't really revisited since that dreadful incident that refrained Ashton from coming home. The beauty of the whole thing, Luke thinks, is that it was just so _them_. It wasn't dramatic or overly romantic or over the top, it was simple and beautiful and _meaningful_.

It had been a bit of a boring day. Luke and Ashton both had a few days off, and even though it was nice to spend some time together, they were sort of starting to bounce off the walls, ready to get back to work. Ready to get back in the field and _do something._ The camp was a good place to be during the war, it was safe, they had food and water, but it was also very boring. There wasn't much to do if they didn't have a mission. So after spending multiple days doing close to nothing, their close proximity and general boredom resulted in them occasionally snapping at each other, and Luke hated it. So they decided to eat lunch together that day, in a way to restore their peace after a fight about dirty laundry they had that morning.

Luke remembers that specific lunch more clearly than he had remembered any other lunch they had, even though there was nothing special on the menu. He remembers Ashton sitting across from him, smiling softly in Luke's direction. He remembers getting lost in thought, mindlessly devouring his sandwich. He remembers being shaken from his thought when Ashton started laughing.

“What? What's wrong?” Luke had asked, frowning in confusion. Ashton hadn't said a word, just lent forward, still smiling, and wiped something of Luke's nose. The gesture was tender, loving, and Ashton's thumb lingered on Luke's nose for a bit.

“You had some butter on your nose,” Ashton had said, laugh still evident in his words.

Luke had looked at him, sitting there, slightly leaned back and smiling while taking a bite of his own sandwich, and he had realized something. He had realized that right there, in that moment, there was nothing and no one he loved more than the boy sitting right in front of him. Even after the petty fight they had that morning, even though Ashton sometimes snored in his sleep, even though they were in the middle of a war right now.

Ashton was the only person that understood him through and through, the only one he could fully trust. The only one he wanted to be with. He _loved_ Ashton. And Luke, never one to hide his feelings, had blurted out those words immediately.

“I love you.”

There was a moment, a very short, terrifying moment, where Luke thought he had just royally fucked up. A short moment in which Ashton didn't respond and Luke suddenly realized that just because Luke loved Ashton, that didn't mean that Ashton had to love Luke. A short moment in which he genuinely thought that Ashton was going to deny him, tell him to fuck off, leave him behind.

But then Ashton had smiled, the kind that took over his whole face and made his eyes sparkle (Luke's favorite kind of smile) and didn't hesitate to say, “I love you, too.”

Luke knows, in the end, that actions are louder than words. Luke knows that 'I love you' is just three words that at times are so overused that they seem to have lost their meaning.

But Luke also knows that when he tell Ashton he loves him, that he means it. It's cliche, maybe, but he feels it. In his bones, in his fingertips, in his heart. Luke loves Ashton, will always love Ashton. And Ashton loves him. Always loved him, will always love him. It's reassuring, knowing that there is someone out there who loves you and cares for you no matter what. No matter how weird you get, or how sad you get, or how angry you get, they will love you. Even if they're not face to face right now, it's enough to _know_.

“I still do,” Ashton says, breaking Luke out of the memory, “I always will.”

“I know,” Luke whispers, smile on his face and tears stinging in his eyes, “Me too.” He can feel himself getting tired, the long, _long_ day finally catching up to him. There's a million and one questions he still wants to ask, a million things he needs to know. But right now he's sleepy and tired and Ashton's breathing is a calming presence in his ear and he can feel himself nodding off.

“Ash?” Luke mumbles, eyes drooping shut as he get a little more comfortable in his hammock. “Will you sing to me? Like you used to?”

Luke can hear Ashton's slightly embarrassed little laugh at the other side of the radio. Ashton was never really confident in his singing voice, but at times, when shit got really, _really_ bad, it was the only thing that could get Luke to sleep. Luke loved Ashton's singing voice. “Fine,” Ashton eventually says, fond exasperation clear in his voice.

“Yay,” Luke mumbles, barely audible. “Love you.”

Luke can almost hear Ashton's fond smile as he says, “Love you too, Lukey.”

Ashton has barely sung three words before Luke is already deep asleep.

–

Luke dreams about zombies.

He doesn't remember much of his dream, just that their clawing hands reach out for him and he can only narrowly avoid them every single time. He can hear their groans too, the low grumbling noises that make his hairs stand up and his skin crawl. It's not like a normal groan, one that comes from deep within. No, the sounds the zombies make are flat, soulless, but you can still feel them in your bones. The sound is like a colony of ants crawling up your spine, like dipping your hand in a box filled with spiders. Luke hates the sound, _loathes_ it, just like so many others do.

But when he wakes up, covered in sweat and gasping for air, the groaning doesn't stop. Which is pretty much the point Luke realizes he is in deep, _deep_ trouble.

He's almost too scared to open his eyes, but when he finally does, he's not surprised to see that the tree he has been sleeping in is completely _surrounded_ by zombies. Luke can't even count them, that's how much there are. Their grimy hands are reaching up to Luke and they're almost climbing over each other in an attempt to reach Luke's hammock. Luckily, he's up high enough so they can't reach him.

But, although there is no way for the zombies to get to him, there is also no way for Luke to actually get down. The only way for him to get down is to jump and roll, the same way he sometimes had to jump out of a flying aircraft. This is different though. Because this time, if he misjudges his jump, he could very easily land in the middle of the pile of zombies and that would mean the end of Luke Hemmings.

Just as Luke is contemplating if maybe 'closing his eyes and praying the zombies get bored and go away' is an option, his radio crackles to life.

“Luke? Luke are you there?”

Luke breathes out a sigh of relief when he hears Ashton's voice call for him. He'd completely forgotten the radio, and thus Ashton, where still there, and he immediately feels better. At least now he has Ashton to help him through this.

“Ash? Ash there's all these zombies surrounding the tree and I don't know if I can make the jump.” Luke feels the panic bubbling up in his throat. “They can't reach me, not yet, but they're very close and they're just grabbing for me and groaning and I don't know what to _do_.”

“Breath, Luke, just take a deep breath, yeah?” Ashton's voice on the other end of the line sounds calm and collected, and it manages to make Luke calm down a bit too. He takes a few deep breaths. “Okay, Lukey, now look around for the spot with the least zombies, yeah? And once you've found that, you're going to jump. The I-10 is close, if you make a run for it you can easily make it. Once you're there you can hop on a car and wait for a helicopter to pick you up. You can make it Luke, I know you can. I believe in you.”

Luke nods, unable to form words, and hopes Ashton gets it. Then he looks down, where the zombies are still climbing over each other to reach him, and spots a slight clearing to his right, where there seems to be less zombies. He takes another deep breath, collects all his stuff, and without thinking about it too much, leaps from his place in the hammock in the direction of the ground below.

The first thing he hears when he hits the ground is a worrying crack. The first thing he sees is black and white spots dancing in front of his eyes. The first thing he _feels_ is an excruciating pain that shoots up through his leg and makes his attempts to get up useless. It's immediately clear to Luke that he has injured his ankle, though from his place on the ground he can't exactly tell how bad it is. He also doesn't have much time to check it out, because behind him the zombies have seemed to notice their snack is no longer piñataing it out above them, but instead spread out on the floor like a starfish, only a few feet away from where they're standing.

Luke tries to scramble back to his feet, but as soon as he puts pressure on his foot, he can feel the tears stinging at his eyes from the pain. “Ash,” he gasps, “Ash, I hurt my foot, and the zombies noticed I'm not in the tree anymore, they're coming towards me. I can't do this, I can't do it.”

“Can you stand on it?” Ashton asks, still calm, even though Luke feels like he's crumbling at the seems.

“Yeah,” Luke says, after carefully testing it out. It hurts like a motherfucker, but he can stand on it.

“Then it's not broken.” Ashton states, matter of factly. “Now run.”

Ashton's calm voice, combined with his command and the sound of groaning and scuffling zombies behind him makes it that Luke carefully sets one foot in front of the other. Before he knows it, he's in some sort of hobbling sprint towards the I-10. Ashton's still yelling encouragements in his ear, that vary from “You can do it, babe!” to “Come on you fucking lazy piece of shit, _run_!”

As he's hobbling through the forest, towards what he hopes is a safe place, he can almost see his life flashing before his eyes. The zombies are still in hot pursuit, and Luke can almost _feel_ their hands grasping the back of his shirt, even though they're still too far behind to even touch him. But the idea, the idea of these lifeless, untiring creatures being right on his tail, makes it enough to make him run just that extra bit faster. Ashton's encouraging words, a constant babble of words, are helping him place one food in front of the other too, no matter how much it hurts.

He can't give up, not now, not now he's so close.

And then the forest clears out and suddenly he's standing on the I-10. He's not there yet, still has to find higher ground so a helicopter can pick him up, but it feels like a small victory. Ashton cheers are heard through the radio, and Luke smiles widely, allowing himself a moment of rest before he continuous his painful journey once again.

Here is the downside of freeway, or any kind of road these days: When the zombie apocalypse first commenced, a lot of people tried to flee. No one really knew where they were going, but someone being on the move felt better than staying at home and doing nothing. The easiest way to flee was by car, which meant that soon most of the roads were nothing but an endless traffic jam. People died in those cars. People became zombies in those cars. And a lot of those zombies are reaching out to Luke right now through broken windows, as he tries to make his way down the road. He can see his end goal already, the part where the I-10 slopes a bit. There's a huge truck parked precisely on top of the slope, the perfect place for Luke to stand on and for a helicopter to come pick him up.

But to get there, he needs to make his way through this car graveyard with reaching hands and shit scattered everywhere, limping on his hurting foot, while being chased by even more zombies. He's so close, but he's far from there yet.

Ashton's voice is still a constant through his radio, and right now that's all Luke's pulling strength from. Ashton's words are not making much sense anymore, it's more like a very long string of 'you can do it, you can do it, you can do it', but it helps.

Still, the closer he gets to the truck, the further it seems away. The harder it seems to put one foot in front of the other. The quicker the zombies seems to catch up to him. The more and more hands reach out for him from the cars. Every step he takes seems to add another meter to the distance still left to the truck. It seems like a hopeless mission at this point. Even if he does reach the truck and manages to get on top of it, who says Ashton managed to alarm someone to come pick him up? Who says he's even going to be saved?

“Come on, Luke!” Ashton yells through the radio and Luke feels radio to collaps.

“I can't, Ash, I can't! It hurts, it hurts too much!” He can't believe he's whining like this, like a little boy, but he can't help it. The pain is getting to him, and he simply can't do it anymore. He's about ready to give up, when Ashton's voice crackles through the radio again.

“Don't you _dare,_ Luke. You promised me, you promised me you'd never leave. Don't you dare break that promise to me now, Luke Hemmings.”

And those are the words that do it, those words, the reminder to a promise Luke made so, _so_ long ago, are what get him through those last few minutes, that make him hoist himself up the truck, that get him _safe_. Because Ashton's right. Luke promised him he would never leave him. And he isn't going to. Not now he just got him back.

Suddenly he's standing on top of the truck and the zombies are left behind, desperately trying to climb up the truck but failing, and the wind is blowing through his hair and _he made it_. There's a tiny black spot in the distance, coming closer and closer, and it's undeniably a helicopter. _He made it_. From his place on top of the truck he can see the forest behind him, around him, and if he concentrates enough he can sort of pinpoint where he landed, where he came from. _But he made it_. Ashton's cheering in his ear, congratulating him, and all Luke can say is “I made it, I made it, I made it,” over and over again.

His rescue is almost anticlimactic. The helicopter spots him soon enough, and before he knows it he's being hoisted into the aircraft and there's people fawning over him. Luke finds out they weren't actually part of the army, weren't warned by Ashton, but instead were part of a group of volunteers who fly around in the hopes of saving civilians who got stuck in places like these. Luke's been incredibly lucky they just happened to fly over the part of the forest he'd been stuck in, it turns out. Luke doesn't really care. He's just glad he's safe.

His radio stopped working, battery finally empty it seems, but Luke's okay with that. Him and Ashton will see each other soon enough. What's most important right now is that he's save. He survived.

–

“That's... that's one hell of a story, Luke.”

“People have gone through worse during the war.”

“Yeah, they have, but still, to have your deceased lover help you get back to safety, it must have taken an emotional toll on you, I mean, especially afterward. When you found out the truth.”

“What do you mean? What truth?”

“I, well, I mean, they never found him, did they?”

“They didn't.”

“Never even a trace.”

“No, nothing.”

“Ashton never tried to get in contact with anyone ever again after you last spoke to him.”

“He didn't.”

“And after reevaluating the hospital Ashton got lost in the first place, they concluded there had been no way for him to get out.”

“You really did your homework.”

“Yeah, well, I-”

“You probably also read my after action report.”

“Yes, and I-”

“And the psych evaluation they did afterward?”

“Yes.”

“It's bullshit, okay? The whole thing about me making him up because my brain knew that was the only thing that could save me at that point? All bullshit. I know they said my radio was broken the minute I jumped out of the plane, and I know the whole crap about how Ashton never told me anything I didn't already know. God, they had a field day with that one, didn't they? Every time I told them something they just asked 'Yes, but was that something new for you? Didn't you already know that? Didn't he tell you that before?'. And every time I had to respond with 'No, that wasn't new for me. I _did_ already know that. He _did_ tell me that before'. You know how much that hurts, when no one believes you? When everyone questions every single thing you tell them? But I know he's alive. He has to be. I don't know how, but I don't care. Ashton is alive and he's out there and he's waiting for me to find him. Or hell, he's probably looking for me too! There is one thing you need to understand, Mr. Reporter. I can have a million people telling me he's dead. I can have a million people telling me I 'imagined' him. But I know what I heard. It was his voice, alive and well. And I won't rest until I've found him.”

“I understand, Mr. Hemmings.”

“Thank you.”

“Can I ask one last question?”

“Yeah, sure, go ahead.”

“If you could've done anything differentlyduring that mission, anything at all, what is the one thing you would have done? Or maybe wouldn't have done?”

“I... I would've told him I loved him, when I was save and well on top of the truck. I never, I never really said that to him, even after he got me through all that. I was so caught up in finally being safe and being rescued, that I totally forgot to tell him. I mean, I've told him a million times, and he _knows,_ I know he does, but still. He saved me. He's the reason I'm sitting here before you today. He deserved to hear it, just one more time. After all, god knows when we will see each other again.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr [here](http://oliviaswizzle.tumblr.com) :)))))


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